Laugh and The World Laughs With You

With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come.
-William Shakespeare

trillow:

[police officer] “sir are you in possession of any illegal drugs”

“sure thing son whatchu need”

(via dylandudicle)

narwhal-noir:

I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”

(via fuckyeahloldemort)

beefmilk2:

pansoph:

for chinese new year they get all these famous actors and comedians together and they do a lil show and one of the comedians was like “i was in a hotel in america once and there was a mouse in my room so i called reception except i forgot the english word for mouse so instead i said ‘you know tom and jerry? jerry is here’

jerry is here

(via g-iggle)

unfollower:

i dont get why people say ‘tea is just leaf water’ and then act like coffee’s so great like what do u think you’re drinking. bean water is what

(via veni-vidi-vicki)

octemberfirst:

abqandnotu:

merosse:

TINY TURTLE INVESTIGATORS: THE CASE OF THE LARGE STRAWBERRY

GOOD MORNING EVERYONE

“HAVE YOU TRIED BALANCING ON IT”
“YES OF COURSE I TRIED BALANCING ON IT JENKINS THIS IS NOT MY FIRST DAY AS A TINY TURTLE INVESTIGATOR” 

(Source: animalkingd0m, via g-iggle)

thatsnotwatyourmomsaid:

sulfuring:

how to write poetry like a white person

  • cigarettes
  • the taste of you
  • drowning
  • save me
  • no wait save yourself
  • cigarettes
  • !!

make sure to left align and god forbid touch a capital letter

“but..skinny shaggy boy, cigarettes kill you!” “well skinny sad girl…thats the point”

(Source: slippier, via foodless)

A blowjob isn’t given with your mouth, it’s given with your heart

— My boyfriend trying to get head (via guy)

(Source: marrowack, via foodless)